so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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