I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
