just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
