There is no way he is gay with that hair.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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