I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
