Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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