it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
