ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
