Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
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He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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