He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I am available for nakedness
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
