cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
