she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
