Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
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I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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