Already got asked if we're dating
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
