woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
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Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
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You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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