I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
