ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
