Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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