I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
