His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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