she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
