Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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