so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
