i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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