I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
