I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
