just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
