I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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