Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
