No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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