I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
be right there i have to get my cape
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
