Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail