Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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