I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.