Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.

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(724): And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after. http://tfl.nu/p612

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(313): View more from Michigan

Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?

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(313): Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board? http://tfl.nu/cf1u

Replies (19) Good night (960) Bad night (6024)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.

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(781): So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets. http://tfl.nu/zt9l

Replies (12) Good night (646) Bad night (4948)
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(801): View more from Utah

Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.

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(801): Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body. http://tfl.nu/oco3

Replies (4) Good night (985) Bad night (2741)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season

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(978): Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season http://tfl.nu/bvhl

Replies (4) Good night (2491) Bad night (774)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on

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(215): just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on http://tfl.nu/p7yb

Replies (1) Good night (1212) Bad night (1800)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?

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(314): Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences? http://tfl.nu/kgto

Replies (8) Good night (1459) Bad night (992)
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(602): View more from Arizona

Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)

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(602): Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...) http://tfl.nu/p4po

Replies (13) Good night (1073) Bad night (1841)
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(520): View more from Arizona

Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.

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(520): Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots. http://tfl.nu/9hrm

Replies (6) Good night (2369) Bad night (1152)
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(812): View more from Indiana

You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.

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(812): You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard. http://tfl.nu/0j3h

Replies (9) Good night (1536) Bad night (654)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.

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(724): If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet. http://tfl.nu/ik1n

Replies (4) Good night (841) Bad night (1138)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.

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(678): I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost. http://tfl.nu/2pxc

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics

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(774): Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics http://tfl.nu/x2gy

Replies (0) Good night (654) Bad night (431)
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(309): View more from Illinois

I need vitamin water and Jesus :/

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(309): I need vitamin water and Jesus :/ http://tfl.nu/afzj

Replies (2) Good night (607) Bad night (348)
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(516): View more from New York

Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow

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(516): Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow http://tfl.nu/fcn3

Replies (0) Good night (284) Bad night (167)

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