Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles