Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess

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  (248): absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess http://tfl.nu/and5
  Replies (4) Good night (1478) Bad night (462)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.

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  (318): Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume. http://tfl.nu/rs73
  Replies (31) Good night (4625) Bad night (818)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.

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  (518): Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help. http://tfl.nu/q9on
  Replies (39) Good night (743) Bad night (9122)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.

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  (250): By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right. http://tfl.nu/wypb
  Replies (12) Good night (3635) Bad night (1017)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.

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  (+44): cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked. http://tfl.nu/v3oz
  Replies (3) Good night (2362) Bad night (507)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.

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  (+61): I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog. http://tfl.nu/k4kj
  Replies (5) Good night (1617) Bad night (997)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.

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  (717): Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit. http://tfl.nu/5mnb
  Replies (12) Good night (647) Bad night (2752)
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  (209): View more from California

  I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.

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  (209): I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy. http://tfl.nu/05b3
  Replies (2) Good night (491) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"

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  (304): He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to" http://tfl.nu/krok
  Replies (4) Good night (1509) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.

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  (253): I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/kt7p
  Replies (10) Good night (589) Bad night (966)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.

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  (215): I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets. http://tfl.nu/wd0k
  Replies (11) Good night (1586) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!

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  (312): I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit. (312): It's great being a young gay man in Chicago! http://tfl.nu/tlgx
  Replies (5) Good night (944) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on

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  (718): I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on http://tfl.nu/z8s8
  Replies (4) Good night (481) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?

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  (339): I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party? http://tfl.nu/m45s
  Replies (0) Good night (548) Bad night (224)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'

  (406): View more from Montana

  I AM SO PROUD OF YOU

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  (307): Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina' (406): I AM SO PROUD OF YOU http://tfl.nu/0zsn
  Replies (1) Good night (513) Bad night (202)

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