I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
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Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
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You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit