Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
