I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
