I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
