Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
