i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
