two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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