We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
