i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That accounts for only three of the penises
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
