I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
