I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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