I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
