oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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