I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
