Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
