I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
