I met the friendliest cop last night
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
