you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize