??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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