Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I want to fling myself into the sun
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
