my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize