Jerry, you need to find god
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
