we have officially lost it.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
