So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
