You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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