If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize