Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
