when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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