Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
