got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize