He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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