My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize