You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
